Walk With Wayne

"One of the main reasons people come to coaching is a search for answers about personal fulfillment."

Part of the difficulty in finding a fulfilling life starts with where people are looking. They are looking for ways to have a fulfilling life. So they look at what they have… and what they don't have… and see a gap… and then things to fill the gap. Unfortunately, having things is momentary and the satisfaction fleeting.

Co-active coaching asks clients to look at what it would take to be fulfilled, on the path, this moment, and the next?

Some people will say the times they felt most fulfilled were when they were doing what was important to them - what they were passionate about and committed to. It was not about having or not having things.

It may be as simple as: fulfillment is about being fully alive. Fulfillment is the state of being the full expression of who we are.

Imagine you could do what brings you the greatest joy: be with people you love, use your natural talents, and exploit your gifts to the fullest. That would indeed be fulfilling. It is a picture of a person living according to what he or she values most.

The link between values and fulfillment is so obvious it may be invisible. Helping clients discover and clarify their values is a way to create a map that will guide them through the decision paths of their lives. It helps them discover what is truly essential to them and to make choices based on what is fulfilling to them.

Honoring our values is inherently fulfilling even when it is hard. When a value is not being honored, however, the client feels internal tension or dissonance. This is a very high price to pay - a sense of selling out on oneself - and the result is an unfulfilling life-a life of toleration rather than fulfillment.

Values are not morals, principles or a code of standards. There is nothing inherently virtuous in values. What is to be admired is not the value itself but a person's ability to live that value fully.

Values can be used in the client's decision making process. Will the proposed action move you closer to honoring you values or farther away? Making decisions based on the client's top values will always lead to a more fulfilling decision but not necessarily the easiest or most fun. It will be the most fulfilling because it represents who the client is.

* This page includes numerous quotes and excerpts from Chapter 8 in Co-Active Coaching by Laura Whitworth, Henry Kimsey-House & Phil Sandahl.

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