Walk With Wayne | Newsletter

...Share the Journey ...Retrieve your Self

January 2005 Vol. 3, No. 1

A Monthly Newsletter Published and Created by Wayne Peacock
©2005 Wayne Peacock. All rights reserved.

Christmas Presents

Santa was very generous with Grandpa Peacock this year.

In one package Grandpa found that The School of Intentional Relationship successfully launched its first offering, Relationships 101: A Workshop Sampler. Nine adventurous souls braved the busy holiday season to attend the four evening sessions. The class was sad that the course was ending and wanted it to continue with their newly found companions. This was the best present a wannabe school teacher could wish for.

Opening up another present Grandpa found that "True Blue," a TV series produced by fellow coach Kathy Esper, will be airing a thirty-minute feature on WalkWithWayne in the Greater Boston area all through January 2005. If you reside in Boston, check out the public access listings and come Walk with Wayne.

Issue of the Month

The Big Lie - At some level we all believe a big lie about ourselves. We developed the big lie at an early age and for the most part, it has rested comfortably in our subconscious. Typical big lies are that we are unlovable, incompetent, or insignificant, i.e., that we don't matter.

If the big lie is left undiscovered in our subconscious, it effectively limits our success in life to varying degrees, depending on the severity of the big lie imprint.

If we can discover what the big lie that we unknowingly believe about ourselves is, we then have the choice of neutralizing its impact on our life. We can do that by substituting a big truth about us. Done well, we are replacing an unconscious perspective that restricts our life with a conscious perspective that supports our life.

Client of the Month

When Martin and I began working together, he was overwhelmed with mental conflict in his life, some real and some imagined. Martin was gregarious, hard working and wanting to be all that he could be in every aspect of his life. He was the kind of guy you would love to have on your team.

At home, he often struggled with his many "shoulds" about being a good parent and a good husband. His "shoulds" would often be at odds with his wife's "shoulds." He lacked the skills to resolve the many differences. The result was simmering conflict. At work, Martin was conscientious to a fault in his management of one hundred engineers. No matter how hard he worked there was always much more that should be done and done to a high standard. Add the carryover from home life to his self-assumed workload and you would find a man engaged in a battle that couldn't be won; a modern day Sisyphus.

With this scenario as background, we explored the feelings and emotions he experienced while trying to be a good manager. Ultimately, one phrase said it all: "Not good enough." The big lie beneath Martin's futile drive for perfection was the all-too-familiar, "I am not good enough." With the big lie out in front for Martin to look at, I asked if it was true that he was not good enough. Following a moment of reflection on the absurdity of his belief, a smile came to Martin's face followed immediately by a sigh of relief. A thousand pound burden had been lifted. When I asked him if it was really true that the God he worshipped each Sunday created him as not good enough, we both had a good chuckle.

Next, I suggested to Martin that if the big lie was not true, it might be useful to create a perspective that was true, and to use that perspective as his foundation for finding the peace he so desperately sought. We settled on "nothing to prove, everything to share" as his Big Truth. Martin agreed to hold this new perspective with the same determination as he had held the big lie perspective.

When Martin checked in a week later, he reported that ninety percent of the busyness and stress he had lived with for years had simply disappeared. With no need to be consumed with proving his worth, he could simply be present with the circumstances that showed up. With his presence, Martin had only to connect in the moment with his peers and subordinates and share his many gifts. A simple choice to shift perspectives from a Big Lie to a Big Truth had the impact of transforming Martin's entire work experience from stress to peace.

With nothing to prove there is much less tendency for Martin to illuminate in the past about his performance or fear the future. There is a far greater likelihood that his staff will find Martin's powerful presence available to serve their needs.

The learning available from Martin's experience is so profound it bears repeating.

The Big Lie
It's all about my performance
Head
Doing
Awareness on the past or future
Managing
Helping
Energy draining
Perpetual anxiety

The Big Truth
It's all about what's called for
Heart
Being
Present in the moment
Leadership
Serving
Energizing
Radical aliveness

Muscle of the Month

Muscle #6 - Choose Perspectives that Work
One of the most useful discoveries one could make is to realize that the ways we see things, our opinions, our beliefs, are nothing more than perspectives. They often feel like the truth but they are nothing more than a perspective of ours.

For every circumstance we find ourselves in, there are an infinite number of perspectives available to us. Some perspectives keep us stuck in the circumstances of our life and we feel negative, a victim of the circumstances, and powerless. Other perspectives offer freedom from the circumstances and as a result we feel positive, at choice, and in charge of our destiny.

What I have noticed is that those persons who appear most alive and successful in their lives constantly ask themselves if their perspective on any given (troubling) circumstance works for them and if not, they choose a new perspective that does. We always get to choose. How cool is that?

Poem of the Month

I Took It as a Sign

Someone sent a band to my house,
and it started playing
at five in the morning.

I took this as a sign
God wanted me to sing!

Then the moon joined in
and a few of the tenor-voiced stars,
and the earth offered its lovely belly
as a drum.

Before I knew it,
I realized
all human beings could be happy
If they just had a few music lessons
from a Sweet Old Maestro
like Hafiz.

Hafiz - about 1320-1388

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