Walk With Wayne | Newsletter

...Share the Journey ...Retrieve your Self

June 2004 Vol. 2, No. 5

A Monthly Newsletter Published and Created by Wayne Peacock
©2004 Wayne Peacock. All rights reserved.

"The habitual and reactive 'no' strengthens the ego. 'Yes' weakens it. Your identity with form, the ego, cannot survive surrender."
Eckhart Tolle

Issue of the Month

Stagnation could be described as a state of being that arrives in the night, sets up quarters without asking and becomes very difficult to evict. Stagnation preys on those who have become stuck in one or more arenas of their life for an extended period of time.

I also associate stagnation with living as a total captive of the mind. In that state, our awareness is based solely on our thinking. We confuse our assumptions, beliefs, opinions and judgements with truth. In that mental state, we are unconscious of our body.

What I know about Stagnation is that it takes awhile to become stagnant, it feels oh so lousy, and it is often accompanied by a measure of depression. The bad news is that it may take more than one wake up call before you realize what is at stake and find the motivation to change.

If you or someone you love is stuck and stagnating, read on for some clues about how to evict the debilitating gremlin by saying yes to everything.

Client of the Month

When I first began working with Nicole, she had been in varying degrees of stagnation for the past 15-20 years. On a scale of from 1 to 10, her level of satisfaction and aliveness was in the 0-2 range on some of the key arenas of her life. Nicole described her stagnation as, "Sitting around waiting for things to be the way I wanted them to be or the way they should be." And further, "Having to make things happen is a drag."

Looking back, it is easy to see that Nicole had taken up full time residency in her mind, which she assumed was in her head. The connection she had with her body during her youth got lost along the heady path.

Today, some 20 months later, and while a work in progress, Nicole's level of satisfaction on that same 1-10 scale ranges from 5-8. Not only has Nicole come alive, she has brought much needed balance to her life. It has been a journey, which began in her mind and ended in her body. Daily, Nicole is discovering the wisdom available to her when she trusts her body to inform.

At the beginning of the coach-client relationship, the first WOW for Nicole was that she is always at choice as to how she perceives and thinks about the context and content of her life. As a human being, she gets to decide if an experience is good, bad or just is; the latter a choice she now makes more often than not.

The second mind blower for Nicole was that she was not called by God to judge anything, advise/fix anyone, nor change anything; i.e. God has not asked her to be General Manager of the World. She is always at choice to want people and things to be different than they are, i.e. be at war with the world, or simply notice what is, and be at peace with it. Nicole has found this WOW harder to implement than she imagined. How many times has she asked, "Why is this (simple concept) so hard?" My usual reply is that she, like many of us, spent her life managing other people's business and in the process developed strong muscles that won't atrophy overnight. It takes time to develop new muscles that embrace what is.

The third discovery for Nicole was that one of the two voices in her head was not to be trusted. When assigned to do so, she noticed that the essence of her Gremlin messages were to not take risks, not trust herself, not change and not expect herself to succeed. To facilitate her self-management of this crippling voice, she named it "shut up" and asked "shut up" to take her leave when she noticed the voice arising. Life is easier to manage now that Nicole can distinguish her adult voice from her Gremlin voice, the voice whose job it is to keep her stuck.

Along the path from stagnation to freedom, Nicole developed a couple powerful mantras: first, "Say Yes to everything new" and second, "If I want the results, I have to do the work." She is expecting more and more of herself and in the process finding that the opportunity to make a difference in this world is limitless.

A year ago when Nicole was moving forward in fits and starts, I challenged her to complete a triathlon within one year. My thought was that sport would be one of the surest ways to reconnect with her body, a body she had seriously neglected for a long time. Nicole accepted the challenge. After several months of "thinking" about training, she is off and running, so to speak. In the process of preparing, she is finding out all sorts of things about her body, capabilities, determination and courage. She is registered for a mini-triathlon in August 2004. I can't wait to see the pride and joy on her face when she crosses the finish line. It may be on her hands and knees, but I know she will finish. She said yes to the challenge and she is doing the work.

Challenge of the Month

Recently, I asked Nicole what advice she would offer to others stuck or stagnating along the path. Here are nine of her gems:

Continuously try new things even if they scare you.
Once you have taken the first step, the hardest step is behind you.
Give yourself credit for every little triumph.
Being judgmental is the worst thing. Editor's note: We can't stop our mind from making judgements. Our survival depends on making judgements. We can stop thinking they are truth.
If you feel lonely, isolated and unfulfilled, you have disconnected from yourself and others. You have stopped seeing others as people and started thinking of them as objects. Reconnect ASAP.
If life seems hard, notice where you are resisting what is. Let down your defenses.
Constantly remind yourself that you are at choice.
Find allies who also want to assume full ownership for their lives and their future.
The painful reality is that it is not about you.

Muscle of the Month

Muscle #2 - Say "Yes" to everything:

Say Yes to what comes to you from others. Say Yes to what comes to you from within. Say Yes to the new and unknown. Say Yes to the fear that accompanies saying Yes. The fear is confirmation that taking action will lead to personal growth. Notice the fear and take the next step anyway. That is the original definition of courage.

In my experience, the more difficult my personal and business life got, the less I said Yes to life. The result was a smaller and smaller world, a world of self-absorption. Recovery from that dark place began with the commitment to reassume responsibility for my life by saying Yes to the way things are now, to change, and to the future I desired.

One of the quickest ways to make your saying Yes easy, is to adopt a posture that says Yes. For me it is: tall in the sternum, eyes wide open and fully connecting with the universe, shoulders down and back with the heart exposed and vulnerable, and with a slight smile. From that posture it is virtually impossible to say No.

Monthly Teaching

"The mind can only know facts or information. My mind can not know you, only labels, judgements, facts, and opinions about you. Being alone knows directly.

There is a place for mind and mind knowledge. It is in the practical realm of day-to-day living. However, when it takes over all aspects of your life, including your relationships with other human beings and with nature, it becomes a monstrous parasite.

So break the old pattern of present-moment denial and present-moment resistance. Make it your practice to withdraw attention from past and future whenever they are not needed. Step out of the time dimension as much as possible in everyday life. If you find it hard to enter the Now directly, start by observing the habitual tendency of your mind to want to escape from the Now. You will observe that the future is usually imagined as either better or worse than the present. If the imagined future is better, it gives you hope or pleasurable anticipation. If it is worse, it creates anxiety. Both are illusory. Through self-observation, more presence comes into your life automatically. The moment you realize you are not present, you are present. Whenever you able to observe your mind, you are no longer trapped in it. Another factor has come in, something that is not of the mind: the witnessing presence."

Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now, Page 45
New World Library, Novato, CA, 1999

Expanding Horizons

1. I have successfully completed my co-active relationship coaching training through The Coaches Training Institute and The Center for Right Relationship. I am now open for business as a certified Relationship Life Coach. In that capacity, I coach individuals, couples and groups at home and in the workplace around all aspects of their relationships.

Prior to my Relationship Coaching training I thought of relationships as You and I. What I learned is that there is a We, which is known as the 3rd entity of the relationship. Just as You and I have needs, so also does the 3rd entity, the We. Picture one of your primary relationships and ask yourself what does the 3rd entity, your relationship, need today? For most, the answer will inform you in an immediate and practical way.

Is there anything more important than strengthening your relationships, be they marital, with siblings, or parent-child? To discuss making an investment in your relationship(s), call 401 885 8488 or email wayne@walkwithwayne.com.

2. A fellow coach, Maya Balle, and I have created Survive & Thrive as a company solely dedicated to inspire cancer survivors, their family and friends to create thriving relationships. Through personal and relationship coaching, conversation, and community building, we will explore the infinite possibilities available for healing, creating and deepening relationships. To inquire about our initial offerings and opportunities email SurvivetoThrive@yahoo.com. Further information will soon be posted on www.walkwithwayne.com.

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