...Share the Journey          ...Retrieve your Self   May 2004                                                          Vol. 2, No. 4 A Monthly Newsletter Published and Created by Wayne Peacock ©2004 Wayne Peacock. All rights reserved. Dear Friends, Up until today I have been stuck in a couple areas of my life, hence the tardy Newsletter. For me, being stuck is like feeling I must get in the car and drive but when I do, most of the driving is in neutral. I'm either anxious about not doing what I say matters most in my life or feeling down because what I get done takes so long it hardly counts as productivity. Sadly, I have precious little compassion for this stuck state of mind. In the stuck place, I still get quite a bit accomplished but it is mostly the things that maintain the status quo and which come easy, such as family, friends, exercise, curiosity, and creating adventure. What rescued me this time was asking for help; the key to freedom I have learned. My coach responded with a few new perspectives and we unearthed the action steps that would bust through the wall of resistance/fear. When it came right down to it, an old muscle was polished off and brought to life. That muscle is, "just take the first step". More on this later under Muscle of the Month... Wayne's Words When I first began working with Silvia, we were three weeks away from a coach - client relationship. We were brought together as teammates at a charity tennis tournament. We introduced ourselves and then proceeded to play our separate matches. Later I was watching Silvia serve in one of her matches, when I noticed the nature of her serving, specifically her second serve. There was a quality to it that spoke volumes to me. The first serve was bold and confident. Conversely, her second serve was contracted and meek. If the second serve could talk it might be saying, "I must not fail at all costs, because if I fail, I will die. Please God, let me land safely in the court." Later in the day, with permission from Silvia, I shared what I had intuited from watching just two of her serves. Basically, what it told me was that her unwillingness to fail was in reality an unwillingness to live, fully. To wit, her second serve was presenting a version of Silvia that was denying her natural abilities and capacity as an athlete. A false front, as it were. I suggested to Silvia that this false front might be showing up in other areas of her life. She smiled and agreed. When we began our coaching relationship some weeks later, the most important thing Silvia brought to the table was her inability to get past the half way point with the three books she was writing. Was it a coincidence that none got further than 50% complete? As writing was her life's passion, her goal of finishing her books remained on the front burner without a magic bullet until the moment that Silvia shared a huge confidence: her sexual preference had remained in the closet for all 45 years of her life. She was gay. One of the benefits for clients in the co-active coaching relationship is that the coach creates a safe and courageous space in which to operate. The safe space in our relationship had made it possible for Silvia to bring the major issue in her life to the table without fear. Soon a process began to unfold that led to Silvia telling a tennis friend, and then another. Fine, but, the major roadblock to freedom remained, telling her family the truth. This was real scary and there was no turning back once Silvia had tasted the joy and relief that comes with bringing truth to herself and her relationships. It didn't take us clever souls long to figure out that the books would remain incomplete until truth be told and truthfulness replaced hiding in Silvia's life. Just having that awareness of the connection between writing and truth telling got Silvia back in a spirited writing mode. The dam had burst and all that remained was Silvia's Texas homecoming at Christmas with all her family. Silvia's mom picked her up at the airport and within hours the discussion was done. Her mom had always known but choose to honor Silvia's silence. Each succeeding day included one or more discussions with siblings until an untold joy swept through the Christmas season. Silvia was out and loving freedom. Her family loved the heck out her and always had. The fear of rejection and sense of separation from family that had occupied center court in Silvias's mind for all those many years simply vanished in the spotlight of truth and love. The truth had set Silvia free. Yea! While our coaching relationship was put on hold soon after Christmas, Silvia's writing flourished in the new year. A daily writing practice took hold and minor obstacles were quickly overcome. You don't need to be told that her semi autobiographical novel couldn't get past the midpoint because it's author hadn't gotten by her midpoint. Silvia now expects to finish her first book by June 1st. Take my advice, be waiting at Barnes and Noble when the doors open for her book signing tour in your area. It will be quite a story; the story of a truly beautiful woman stepping into her magnificence, and loving every bit of it. I asked Silvia for a couple words to describe life 9 months ago vs. now. Last August life was a burden. Today life is rich. The Reader's Challenge   When you become aware of areas in your life that prevents you from living an authentic life, take heart from Silvia's story. Set your intention to become aware of your stuck places. How many can you find, both big and small? Know that whatever is keeping you stuck is negatively affecting other aspects of your life as well, i.e. you are paying a much bigger price than you realize. Know that your mind has created the stuckness and is not about to be the solution. Your stuckness is the stuff of unreality. It is all made up. Know that the answers to your stuckness reside in your body wisdom. Recall how Silvia's stuckness showed itself in her tennis game, of all places. All she needed was the mirror provided by her coach. If you can intuit the first next step forward, and it seems real scary, know that you are on the right track. This is where your courage comes into play. I heard that the root meaning of courage is to have fear and take the first step anyway. Fail forward. Ask for help. A co-active coach is one great option. Seek support. Find allies for your journey. Reward yourself after each step forward and after every recovery. When you get unstuck in one place tackle the next place on your list. And then another, until you are really experiencing your authentic life. Muscle of the Month Muscle #1 - Just take the first step: This muscle is simple in concept and execution yet profoundly valuable when one is stuck or in the hesitation phase. My earliest recall of this muscle was a phrase all runners came to understand, "The first step out the door is the hardest. Once you have taken that step, the rest of the run is easy." Then we have all heard, "The journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step." This past year I was standing at the beginning of a narrow plank 32-ft. above the ground. I was frozen in fear of walking the plank when the voice of my leader resounded up from the earth, "Wayne, just take the first step." In fact, I heard that voice several more times before I finally realized that all I had to do was take the first step. And then, with three deep breaths, I took the first step. And then the next first step. And the next until the task was completed. Since that fateful day on the plank, taking the first step has rescued me from a stuck place on countless occasions. It can work for everyone.   INQUIRY: Where is one place you are stuck? What would the first step look like? Just take that first step and see what happens from there. Send a success story where you have used this muscle. Monthly Teaching It might help to remember that at an energy level, win or lose its all the same: our tears of joy and tears of pain are both one energy, the flow of who we are. We can either bargain, hold back, and hang onto comfort and security, or we can take a deep breath, and say take me, and leap into the fire. -- Excerpted from if the Buddha dated by Charlotte Kasl, Ph.D. Relationship Systems Coaching I am offering a complimentary 1-hour introductory relationship coaching session. If you or anyone you know wants to improve a workplace or personal relationship, please call or email. The work can be done in person or over the phone. Early feedback from this cutting edge work is very encouraging. Please sample for yourself. Read previous issues of this newsletter.   Unsubscribe from this newsletter. Download this issue of Wayne's Words       © 2004 Wayne Peacock, All rights reserved. This site designed and developed by Ictus Development