Walk With Wayne | Newsletter

...Share the Journey ...Retrieve your Self

May 2005 Vol. 3, No. 4

A Monthly Newsletter Published and Created by Wayne Peacock
©2005 Wayne Peacock. All rights reserved.

Issue of the Month

Living Your Values: The concept of personal values is not widely discussed outside of life coaching. That is a pity because a little work with values can yield remarkable improvements in one's life. Similar concepts that may be more familiar are:

Being aligned with who you are

Living the authentic life

"To thine own self be true"

Regardless of how it is talked about, the primary issue for most of us is: How do we make our daily decisions in a way that best expresses who we are?

Client of the Month

When I first started coaching Carol she was stuck. She had a job with too much conflict, a rental apartment full of clutter, an unfinished college education, and a load of internalized sadness over major losses in her life. She lived with her boyfriend of many years, but the relationship had lost its luster. She saw my advertisement in the local paper and carried it around for a month before reaching out for a lifeline.

This is a story about Carol's journey from a stuck place with seemingly few options to an alive place with infinite possibilities. The key to Carol getting unstuck was a commitment to act on her dreams and to make decisions based on her primary values.

1. A New Home: Carol had been fantasy shopping for a home of her own for years. Each time she'd get close, a voice in her head would stop her. One day recently, she called to say she had made an offer on a home in the neighborhood she grew up in. Her boyfriend, who normally would check things out for her, was unavailable, so Carol took advantage of the opportunity to flex her independence. "I did it on my own!" she said. This was a big-time example of Carol living her values of self-direction/autonomy and accomplishment.

2. A New Boss-Subordinate Relationship: Most days Carol stayed late at work for several hours. The impact on her life was deadening; she got home so late she only had time to eat before going immediately to bed. Over the years Carol had created a martyr role at work wherein she was the only one who could get everything finished by the end of each day. I challenged her to leave at 4:00 p.m. everyday for the next week and gave her some tools to navigate the change. She did it and now has her life back in the afternoon and early evening. Here Carol was exercising her values of integrity and personal growth.

3. Choosing a Mortgage: Carol found two competing mortgage options. One came from a mortgage broker who touted the "hot" plan of the day. The other was a state funded plan for first time buyers. Carol felt some obligation to the first broker because of the time the broker had spent with her. When I asked what her gut told her, she said that it was to go with the state funded option because it met her needs for low maintenance and security. Carol decided to meet with the first broker and, with all the authority she could muster, told the woman she was not going to pursue their option. This took courage, and it demonstrated Carol's desire to continue leading a life based on her values.

4. A Commitment to Grandma: Nothing is more important to Carol than her family and roots. She took me to an unkempt cemetery where relatives from several generations back were buried. She told me about a promise she made to her grandmother to take care of this cemetery. Recently, Carol had been opining about her dreams for the cemetery's upkeep. Then she attended a meeting about all of the city's cemeteries and walked away having personally adopted the family cemetery. She will soon enlist other volunteers to create a cemetery worthy of its occupants. There never was a doubt about Carol's word, but having been in a long funk, time was passing with no action. Acting on her promise is another big step toward Carol's rebirth and creating the life she desires.

While Carol's work is far from finished, she now has the necessary tools to guide her actions. Understanding what values are most important to her, and knowing she always has a choice will help Carol continue to make the right decisions for her.

Muscle of the Month

Muscle #9 - Live Your Values

The surest way to find fulfillment and balance in your life is to identify your values and then make your decisions based on those values that mean the most to you. Those decisions will not win you greater popularity all the time, but you will be able to sleep better because you have been true to yourself.

To identify and prioritize your values you'll find the only web-based interactive assessment tool by clicking here. Have a go, as the English would say, and when you finish, contact me for a complimentary de-briefing session.

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