Walk With Wayne | Newsletter

...Share the Journey ...Retrieve your Self

November 2004 Vol. 2, No. 7

A Monthly Newsletter Published and Created by Wayne Peacock
©2004 Wayne Peacock. All rights reserved.

Dedication of the Month

This issue of The Walking Paper is dedicated to the life and soul of C C Quarnstrom who died at the age of 29 on October 23, 2004. May his loving spirit light the way for those he left behind.

Issue of the Month

Living on the Edge - Hardly a day goes by that I do not find myself talking to someone living on a treadmill, a robot in the fast lane, and often disconnected from nature, themselves and their loved ones. You sense that their mind is working 24/7. You sense that their thoughts are running the show and that a heart to heart connection is absent. Their internal voice that longs for a peaceful life with balance and fulfillment is barely audible and seldom acknowledged. They tend to be those who produce way more than their share of goods and services. They also come with many hard-earned accomplishments. Yet, their production and accomplishments aren't yielding the aliveness and balance they desire.

You know you are in the presence of someone operating at overload when you hear this lament, "I don't know, I've just got so much going on right now, I don't have time to even think about my life." The proof is when their lament is followed by, "I've got to get a few things sorted out before I could even consider taking a breather to gain some perspective."

Finally, there is a self-importance aspect, which often shows up as overwhelm - "I can't take any time to meet my own needs because there's too much to do and only I can do it." This can lead to self-pity and even worse, feeling like a martyr.

Who amongst us has not been in this state at some point in time? I know I have, big time, and it is not an easy dragon to slay. Are we wrong when in this state? Absolutely not! Are there consequences? Of course. Whenever we focus on one basic need, such as our career, to the exclusion of our other needs, there are consequences. Some unmet needs can get met at a later date with no harm done, while sadly, others go unmet forever.

Client of the Month

This is a story of a woman lost in continuous "doing", unable to smell the roses, yet having the inner knowing that asking for help was a wise and necessary option. Her name is Sue, a composite client. Sue left the corporate world and had begun a small catering business while working long hours at unsatisfying odd jobs to make ends meet.

I received a call from Sue following a referral from a fellow coach. She was looking for a mentor to help grow her business. I told her that there are many persons better qualified to mentor her on the essentials of being an entrepreneur. I followed up by saying that she might be interested in hiring me as her life coach, a partner who would co-actively help her in discovering the ins and outs of growing a business. I added that it was a foundational position in my profession that she either had or could find the answers to her questions: the listening ability and curiosity of her coach being the magic ingredient. I also assured Sue that as her coach I would always see the best in her and would call her forth when her confidence faltered. Finally, I made it clear that I believed that she could move mountains if she wanted to badly enough.

Sue liked my message and decided to hire me as her coach, finances permitting. When it turned out that finances were an issue, we co-created an exciting one-of-a-kind coaching experiment. Sue would hire me for one month only. In those 30 days, by leaning into each other, we would see just how much fulfillment and balance Sue could create in her life. It would be us trying to prove something to the world. We even joked about bringing the anticipated success story to Dr. Wayne's primetime show on The Coaching Channel.

In the course of our conversations I noticed several patterns, conflicting emotions, and hypothetical possibilities. Given the shortage of time I reasoned that the game would be won or lost in days between our coaching sessions. Further, that greater than normal homework would be essential. I gave myself permission to rely heavily on my intuition as to what Sue's path might look like and what homework would make best use of the time available.

My first impression of Sue was that her mind was pre-occupied with the past and future; to wit, the conversations and decisions that had been put off, the possible negative impact of future choices, and an overactive inner critic. She repeated several times that she had so many things going on out there, there was no time to slow down, reflect, and catch her breath. She was trapped on the treadmill. Thus, I suggested as her first homework that she immediately spend an hour making a list of the significant issues going on "out there", i.e., the things that were distracting her from the present moment. My experience was that just by putting pen to paper and seeing the list would reduce her anxiety level.

My second impression was that her desire for a mentor might signal a loss of self confidence or that she felt the answers were out there. Either way, I asked her to spend 20 minutes every day for the next week writing down what she knows about creating a peaceful life. My coach had me do this and it worked wonders. I realized that we all have the inner knowing if we care to listen.

My third impression was that Sue was conflicted in her decision making process. So for the third set of homework I asked Sue to go to my web site, www.walkwithwayne.com, and complete the interactive Values Clarification exercise wherein she would end up choosing what values were most important to her and then rate how well she was living each value. I asked, as an example of a value, if "personal integrity" was important for her. She replied with an immediate "Yes!" I then asked her to rate on a scale of 1-10 how well she was living her value of personal integrity? Her answer was 5, at best. This was an indicator that Sue was selling out on herself; hence the pervasive "conflicted" background to our conversations. I explained that when we are not living our values, life does not work and when we are, we find the fulfillment and balance we so desire.

The final ingredient of Sue's homework was to address her lack of presence to her life. So I asked her what she was doing when she was most connected to herself. There was a long pause as she grappled with the meaning of "being connected to herself." All of a sudden she came to life with a knowing smile and quickly listed her three activities as: when she is creating new menus, when she is writing Thank You notes, and when she attends her yoga group. I looked at her and asked, "Well?" In rapid succession Sue articulated how she was going to bring these activities back into her life ASAP. Bingo! Sue, like all of us, has the answers. All she needed was the right question at the right time.

The clock is now ticking. Sue is a work in progress. When we talk in five days, who knows how Sue's perspective on life will have changed. One thing is for sure. If Sue delivers on her commitment to become the author of her life, she will never be the same.

Challenge of the Month

For those of you who are having the experience of life passing by too fast and want to do something about it now, I offer a new product I've named The 30 day No Limits Coaching Adventure. I've included the words "no limits" because I've found that there are no limits to the changes we humans can make in a short amount of time if the desired change is compelling enough. Our mutual objective will be to test the outer limits of what is possible for you. In our partnership, the client brings the dream and together we will create the HOW. It's about the client and coach each leaning in 100%, 100% of the time to create a powerful beginning toward the client's dream(s). If, after 30 days you are not satisfied with your progress, your money will be refunded.

Here is what you will receive:

4 hours of coaching
a flushed out vision of what you long for
a prioritized list of your top 12 values
a self assessment of the balance in your life
an understanding of the role your inner critic plays
homework designed to increase self awareness and move you to action.

All of the above and more will be marshaled to support your dreams and desires.
The cost is $400.
The reason I am offering this package at a 50% discount is that I am committed to introduce the magic of co-active coaching to as many as humanly possible. Co-active coaching points us to a new way of being in the world; a way that leads to improved relationships, less tolerance of the status quo, the realization of dreams and, most important, a greater sense of inner peace.

I am limiting this opportunity to the first eight individuals who are committed to a major shift or redirection in their lives. If you are ready to step into your bigger life, contact me at 401 885 8488 or wayne@walkwithwayne.com. You are invited to visit www.walkwithwayne.com.

Monthly Teaching

Caretake this moment.
Immerse yourself in its particulars. Respond
   to this person, this challenge, this deed.
Quit the evasions. Stop giving yourself needless
   trouble.
-RUMI

It is time to really live; to fully inhabit the situation
   you happen to be in now.
-EPICTETUS

Muscle of the Month

Muscle #4 - Ask for Help

Asking for help is a key to success and often, THE key.

Unfortunately, asking for help in our society is a misunderstood and underused muscle. For many it is thought to be a sign of weakness or dependence. A muscle of great strength when we are 4 years old becomes an atrophied muscle at 34.

If you are in the rat race, or on a treadmill, and have a voice calling you to slow down and pay attention before it is too late, here is an example of questions you could ask an assortment of friends and loved ones who care about you. "I would really appreciate hearing how you see me living my life? And, "I would really value any advice you are willing to offer." In my experience, you will be amazed at how much wisdom there is just waiting to be tapped.

Muscle #5 - Be Present To Your Life

The greatest gift you could ever give yourself is to be totally present for your life. Come to think of it, isn't that what unconditional love is? Sorry, I digress. You have the choice to give that gift to yourself. If you do give yourself that gift I can assure you that your life will become much more real and alive. All you need to do is make a conscious intention to place your undivided attention on what is in your life each and every moment. If you are brushing your teeth, you will place your awareness on the moment to moment process of picking up the brush, squeezing the tube, brushing your teeth, etc. You won't be thinking about being present, you will be present. You won't be having a conversation in your head, because you have chosen to place your awareness over there on you brush, your teeth, etc.

The greatest gift you can give another is to be totally present to them; to listen with an open heart and an empty mind. It is the greatest gift because, I hold, that what we humans want most is to be seen, heard and met without judgement, being fixed or changed.

Simple? Yes! Easy? Not! Worth developing our presence muscle? There is no better investment in your health, happiness and relationships.

It is natural to be present. And, it is also natural for our mind to take us to the past or future where we can find fear and other not so nice states of mind. As Byron Katie says, "If you want problems, go to the past or future."

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